


A Series of Unfortunate Events

by Anonymous677



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Crack, Humor, Not Beta Read, POV First Person, Please Do Not Take This Seriously, cursing, the phantom troupe at various chain resturants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29208288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous677/pseuds/Anonymous677
Summary: Chrollo just wanted a snack. Kurapika wanted revenge. Leorio just wanted to have a nice time with his husband.(Only teen because the characters curse)
Relationships: Genei Ryodan | Phantom Troupe & Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Kudos: 15





	A Series of Unfortunate Events

So you may be wondering why I, Chrollo Lucifer, leader of the Phantom Troupe, am hiding under a table.

“WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, CHROLLO, FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!!”

That would be because I happened to stop at the same waffle house that Kurapika and his boo Leorio were having date night at. I really just wanted a waffle.

“Boss! It's time to go, you can log this later!”  
\---  
To begin it started out as a normal day. I called the spiders to a random abandoned warehouse in a large city to pull a heist. But we are thieves who occasionally commit genocide, not monsters so naturally, we all rode together in groups, pollution is bad you know. When Bonolenov saw a McDonalds.

“Ahh yass! Boss can we get some McNuggets?!”

Since I am a cool and very mature boss, I naturally pulled into the drive-through and ordered us all happy meals. This seemed like a great plan until I pulled up to the drive-through window.

“That will be $15.29,” said the reason for my nightmares.

There Hisoka was standing in the window. He was still in his normal garb and obviously did not in fact work here. Then we made eye contact. Now some may say that your whole life flashes before your eyes when you are about to die and in some ways that is true. I certainly saw my biggest regrets. Namely, not killing him when I had the chance.

“So…”

Hisoka flew out of the window like a demented cat that was high on crack. 

I slammed on the gas to the disappointment of all involved. We didn’t even get our chicken nuggets. Then I heard an angry screech. When I looked back in the rearview mirror, I saw Hisoka being dragged behind the car like an angry sack of potatoes. He had bungee gummed himself to the rear bumper and was attempting to climb into the car. I engaged evasive maneuvers. (He panicked) As I drove away from the restaurant, I saw Illumi run out with his phone.

He took pictures while getting as close to laughter as his repressed little heart can get. No shits were given. His boyfriend got himself into this mess so he can get himself out.

At last, I finally lost Hisoka. Now we were hungry, behind schedule, and mentally scarred from Hisoka’s particular brand of insane.

Then I saw the Waffle House. Now, Waffle Houses are a great place to eat. They have good food and servers who only rarely pay enough attention to the news to recognize us on sight. Allowing for a nice relaxed murder free dining experience. Right. RIGHT.

So I pull up to the back of the waffle house. This is my first mistake. We all order our waffles and get seated. 

“Chrollo, Kurapika is here with his husband”

“He’s looking right at us.”

“His husband does not look concerned and the menace coming from Kurapika is getting to be concerning.”

“Are you even listening?!”

I was not. If I do not see it then it is not happening. This was my second mistake.

I really just wanted a waffle.  
\---  
“Hey honey can I kill him?” stated Kurapika in a deadly calm voice as his eyes went red, “I know it’s date night so I thought I’d ask.”

“Sure, let me order my waffles first please,” replied Leorio.

“Fine.” sighed Kurapika. 

Leorio ordered his waffles. The clock was ticking.  
\---  
While I was remaining willfully oblivious to the happenings at Kurapika and Leorio’s table, I finally got my waffles. Just as I was about to take my first bite, Leorio got his waffles. That’s when all hell broke loose.

With a screech, Kurapika launched himself at me. I flipped a table and made a run for it. Paku and Bonolenov sprinted for the car as Leorio went to intercept them. He was still eating his waffles that bastard and that is how we got here.  
\---  
“HAHAHAHA I FOUND YOU!”

Shit. Shit. Shit. OK, I can make this work what if I get him in that hanky thing? His eyes are red so containment is the best bet. This was my third and final mistake.

As I left the safety of my table shield I saw the last of my group bail into the car. Then I saw two fists heading towards me. Leorio is an enhancer. Both fists crashed into me at once and I went flying into the driver seat of the car breaking the window, my nose, and my right hand. I hit the gas to a chorus of screams and that is why we are three hours late to the meeting that I called.

“Yeah, I call bullshit. Next time you're late to a meeting that you called boss at least come up with a plausible excuse.” stated Machi through gritted teeth, “You better come up with something nice to give us since you were late.”

Well, that went well.

**Author's Note:**

> Chrollo later: So who wants to go on vacation... I heard that there was a great resort on Greed Island.


End file.
